Break the Silence! Pledge to See RETURN TO ZERO in theaters!
RETURN TO ZERO is the first film ever created with stillbirth as its central theme. We have an amazing cast (MINNIE DRIVER, PAUL ADELSTEIN, ALFRED MOLINA, CONNIE NIELSEN KATHY BAKER, ANDREA ANDERS and SARAH JONES) and have created a beautiful and touching film that will change how people view stillbirth and the effect it has on parents, relationships, families, and communities.
Now we need this film to reach the largest audience possible—which is why we need your help!
By PLEDGING to see RETURN TO ZERO in theaters opening weekend when it shows in your community you will prove to Hollywood that that there is an audience for a film about this difficult but important subject matter.
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1HqU43R7iij8WJt1bavZkmjhmPdci56qakUUKt2VfvWg/viewform
Dear Leia
Things have been wonderfully busy with your little brother. I think of you every milestone.
The should bes come back when I think of how you would be 20 months soon. Swimming right along side Ryder. Talking to him. Teaching him things.
Sometimes it is too much to think of. I cry thinking of you. How I did you wrong.
There is a movie being made about stillbirth and although I support it 100% it is going to be hard to watch.
Movies and television shows lead us yo believe that fairy tale endings are real. That if something is wrong with your child the doctors will fix her.
I love your brother so much. He is the light at the end of the tunnel. Our rainbow.
Love you always
Mommy
Xxoo
One giant knot of a mess….
I decided to get my hair cut a few days ago. It was really a long time coming and I don’t regret it at all. I needed a change and it was so thick and long I couldn’t do anything with it.
My husband dropped me off at the hair dresser that I had a coupon for. Not the place I normally would have chose but heck it was cheap enough.
I guess you get what you pay for. My hair cut is very nice, but the hair dresser. OMG If I had a pair of scissors I would have cut her.
I was feeling emotional as it was, about cutting my hair and about turning 37 (which let’s face it almost 40). I wasn’t in the mood to chit chat. She asked why I was cutting my hair, I said my son pulls on it and I really just want a change. She said Oh you are a new mom I can tell.
Of course I couldn’t just let it go. I said well I’m a new mom to a child on earth. But our daughter passed away when I was 35 weeks. Silence.
Then a few minutes later she started the usual questions. Why did she die? What happened? Oh Yes my sister’s best friends cousin’s mother had a miscarriage. I answered the best I could and smiled politely when she said those words I hate “Everything happens for a reason”. Honestly. If her 1st born was ripped from her body never to be seen again, would she be saying those words?
She then said her daughter’s delivery was terrible. Oh did her child die? NO then why are telling me this? She said because she had hard labour she doesn’t want to have another child. But she will tell her it’s okay to try again since we obviously were strong enough to do it. Okay she got points for that one.
Then she said something about SIDS and that the babies that die from SIDS are meant to die. Umm what??? I wanted to scream. She had the scissors so I said nothing. NOTHING. Then I said Well it is a very scary reality and after what we have been through the worry is always there. She back tracked and started on a new topic. Okay good finally back to a normal conversation.
Then a few minutes later she said something about we should have a daughter now that we have a son. And then went on to give me advice about how if you stop trying to get pregnant you will. Like it’s just that easy.
I did say we have a daughter, and having another will not replace her. Yes we would love our son to have a sibling but it doesn’t matter the sex as long as they are healthy.
I love talking about Leia, and do it honestly. BUT that being said I don’t need to be told she died because she was meant to. I’ve heard it way too many times. It’s not fair and a very mean thing to say to someone EVER.
It’s my own fault for bring it up. I don’t want to ever lie so maybe the solution is to avoid the question all together. I could have said I want a hair cut because I have headaches, or I’m tired of the knots. All true statements.
This grief thing really sucks. It’s a never ending roller coaster. People see me with Ryder and always ask if he is my first. ALWAYS. Then I can’t lie. I can’t even say no he’s not and leave it at that. I’ve tried. Then they ask about our other child. I’ve said We had a daughter and we have a daughter. Then how old? I say she would be a year and a half. Almost 2.
It’s all one big giant knot of a mess. In hind sight I should have just kept the long hair. It’s a metaphor of my life.
Dear Ryder,
It is Victoria Day long weekend here in Canada. Lots of fireworks can be heard all over. You slept through them last night thankfully.
Tomorrow we are going to a parade and to a huge town yard sale. I can’t wait to find you a toy box for the living room.
This week mommy was so spoiled. I had such a great birthday that kept on lasting till last night. We went to The Texas Lone Star Grill for a birthday celebration Friday night with a group of 16. It was so very nice to see everyone. The servers brought out a cake auntie Maggie made for me. While they were singing the waitress pretended to drop the cake then she slipped and fell on it. But it was a fake cake. Oh my!
You were upset but turns out it was because of a very very messy diaper situation. We have sense held off on Chicken for a few more weeks.
The cake was so funny. My face on a super model’s body with Steven Tyler what a great surprise. You got to see Cyra again it has for sure been a while since you saw each other. She has gotten so big! I met her daddy also for the first time.
Meagan and Alberto where there, her baby is over due now. Hopefully any day she makes her arrival. There was 3 pregnant woman and 3 babies. What fun! Logan was there and like you got passed around from person to person.
It was such a nice night out which last almost 3 hours. I feel so very blessed to have these people in my life.
Friday we got the cover of Today’s parent that we had been waiting for.
You on a cover of a magazine. How very very unique and awesome. You sure do make a great cover model! This is going right into a frame and not coming out of the plastic.
In 1 week you will be 6 months old. How did this happen? Where has the time went?
I love you so much my son!
Love always and forever
Mommy
xxoo
