Make a wish..
We blew out the candle on Ryder’s birthday cake “with” him. I wonder what he wished for. Was my husband thinking the same thing?
Did anyone notice the single tear down my face? The crack in my voice as we sung happy birthday? I have wished so many times for that moment.
To be able to celebrate a child of our own on earth’s birthday. Its hard to “celebrate” the birth date of a baby who’s not here yet we somehow do it. Pull strength out of nowhere to brace that day.
Celebrating Ryder’s birthday was like a wish come true. All the anxiety about making it perfect came to an end. Knowing that our rainbow baby was here in real life having a 1st birthday was surreal.
I don’t think people understand just how hard it is being a bereaved parent. You never stop worrying. You never forget. Will people see us happy and think I am over it? I used to care about that. I don’t now.
I am happy. I am blessed with my beautiful smart son. With my husband who has been by my side through loss after loss. Who let’s me sleep in after he gets off nights so he can have a few hours alone with his son.
Do I still wish that Leia was here with us. Of course I do. I know that it is clearly just that. A wish.
My wishes will always involve both our children and hopefully future ones. Ryder’s birthday wish was special and one day will come true.
All the excitement is now said and done. You are 1 years old, your rainbow party was a huge success. I loved every single moment of it. I didn’t shed any tears until later that night, not sad tears but happy ones. You will see me sometimes crying, and go to cheer me up. But son what you don’t know is these tears are for you. To show you how happy I truly am.
I got up early Saturday morning to get you ready for the day. Daddy took you and Logan with his daddy to the pool for swimming lessons. Ashley (Logan’s mommy) was nice enough to take me to the other pool where the party was going to be to start getting ready. We set up chairs, put up decorations and put all the food out. I MIGHT have had some Monica from Friends moments.. The only thing missing was a headset :) From the banner not getting put up till almost 2, to the table cloths not being ‘straight’ ha ha. But it all turned out and not once did anyone say a thing about either.
It was a lot of fun printing off those photos and taking a look back and how much you have changed. We put up balloons, set up the guest book (which was a copy of the Happy Birthday book by Dr. Seuss) and then the cake arrived.
I was expecting it to be amazing, and sure enough it was. Auntie Maggie did a great job.
The hour we had to set up went by very quick. You arrived a little after 1 from swimming. Daddy started to bring in the presents we brought with us, while I still tried to set up the food. Slowly people started to come and you were so excited to see each of them.
I let you have a sucker and you kept putting it in auntie Maggie’s hair silly boy. I had custom ordered a shirt for you. It said Happy 1st birthday Ryder. Happy birthday with a sun and rainbow on it. You didn’t even get it all dirty until much later.
We only had the party room for 2 hours and they flew by!
We ate (all rainbow foods) had some cake (and fruits) sang happy birthday to you, and then started to open gifts.
I handed out the swim passes to everyone and was happy to see almost everyone could make it. There was 8 kids 9 including you and 18 adults 20 including daddy and I. I understand with the holidays, it is very hard to commit to 5 hours so we are very thankful for that.
I made a candy bar with skittles, life savers, star bursts, and suckers. I also included them in the loot bags with other colourful items. I forgot to make the fruit and veggie tray into a rainbow urgh. But the meatballs even had some green, red and yellow peppers to colour it up as well as pineapples. I decided last min to even do the lemons.
I am pretty sure daddy had a better time opening the gifts than you did, although you ripped a lot of them square open. There was no messing around for you and the gift bags were a hit. You had a few helpers though :)
We let you eat cake, but after getting you’re hands dirty that was enough of that.
I love this photo you can see just how much daddy loves you!
I don’t think we got photos of everything you were lucky enough to receive but close. There was over 600 photos taken! #spoiledboy
I loved everything you got. The Mike Wazoski shirt and beanie ball are so you. The doctor kit is going to help you practice to be a real doctor someday. The little bomber jacket! The hug me elmo, play mat, crayon letter, darth tater, bowl set, the shoes, little green shirt, little people batman, keyboard, books, crayons, colouring books, block, walking car, jeep with blocks in it, water mat, puppets, leapfrog books, vetech book, high chair cover, oh my everything! I hope I’m not forgetting anything! I know I didn’t see much of the gift opening because I was trying to get people to sign the book and get cleaned up.
There were lots of little people superheros including wonder woman and her invisible car. Santa might have to bring you something for you to store all these guys in :)
You had opened up gifts from momo, auntie Becky, auntie Sherry, cousins Sondra, Marisa, Kayci and Kaylee the night before. It took over an hour since we didn’t really help you and its safe to say you love the trike!
As soon as the tree is up (hopefully tomorrow) we will set this up and let you take it for a spin.
After you opened gifts and we said our thank you’s to everyone we headed to the pool. Well you and you’re friends did. I let you go with Mallory (my friend Kelleys daughter) so you could get a head start. I helped clean up and bring the food and gifts to the cars.
We had an awesome time swimming. It was 2 hours of just fun. We pretty much had the pools to ourselves and we took advantage of it. Mingling from the hot little pool to the big colder pool was a challenge since I didn’t want to leave anyone out. But I barely had you anyway. Maggie took you for a bit, and you showed her how good you are at swimming, then daddy for a while and mostly Mallory. She has several levels of life guarding under her belt so I wasn’t worried at all.
It was Lilli’s first time at the pool how exciting she did great. Xavier wasn’t able to go in this time, but for sure we will take him soon with his mommy. Elroy, Logan, Liam, Lorenco, Cyra, Lilli and you got to go in though. I didn’t think to get a group photo of all the babies BEFORE swimming but thought of it after and still missed people.
Such a fun fun day, all the hard work for the last month or so paid off. I think everyone had fun, and I bet there was a lot of sleepy babies that night. I can’t wait to start planning you’re 2nd party! #haha
I love you very much my son
Thank you for leaving for 2 days so I could get stuff done! Today would have sucked had you been there.
You have arrived again in the form of coughing sneezing all over pain. I am okay with that since you were kind enough to hide!
I’m trying these taste like shit but it works cough drops. Apparently they don’t have the syrup anymore?
Anyways I’d appreciate it if the cold and canker sore could go away though.